False Alarm

We had our first False alarm: a possible donor, and night of hope and anticipation ending in . . . nothing.
I don't know why it didn't pan our, some times organs are damaged in transit, or final tests reveal incompatibilities; sometimes another person on the waiting list has a change of circumstances that moves them ahead on the list. We will never know, and so the wait begins again. I was not prepared for the wave of grief that would over take me, at this loss of something we never actually had.